The Last Gift from Her
I don't know what is wrong with me, why am I being so restless,
I know, now you care less, but am sorry for everything I was careless.
Who should I complain? Who should I blame?
Why is everyone playing his mind game?
I have befriended this awkward pain,
And to hell with life's every aim.
Like others, I want to be happy & to be aloof of these useless thoughts,
I m surviving only for my parents, else there is no reason to live with ifs & nots.
I don't know why my point of view is changing, What is this pain for I have no clue,
Sometimes I think that I know this nostalgic pain, wait, don't tell me it's you.
What do you want now? Why are you still piercing my heart like a screw?
Is there any referee in this game who is counting points between me and you.
I can't believe, you are still alive inside me after you turned my life upside down,
Don't you have heart? You took just 10 days to forget 8 years of relation and left city for town.
I gave up my life for you, was totally devoted to you while I stayed,
Faithful all the way, this is how I fucking get repaid?
I was there, but when I needed you the most, it was only you who I couldn't see,
I wish you could've understood that my life was entangled between the devil and the deep sea.
Do you know how many friends I left for you and still not have talked to them,
You know why I always loved you even when I was just your timepass & an ATM.
Because I really loved you and took you as my wife since the very first day,
Sometimes I think what should I do to get you back & to make you understand what to say.
Remember when we were high for the first time and gifted our virginities to each other,
We thought sex was a taboo and one can only gift virginity to a spouse and not a lover.
Remember when we were on India Gate and you gifted me that beautiful card,
It was the first time when I went down on knees and sang for you and hugged u hard.
I should be afraid of the memories I created vehemently, I never knew,
Everyone says "you've changed", but for me, only my heart is beating, I don't even know what to do.
I admit now that I was insolvent and my condition was abysmal,
I admit that I was a loser and between you and your freedom, I was the wall.
I admit that you've cried thousands of times because of I,
I admit every effort was going useless and I was helpless too that I don't deny.
I admit I was insecure and I never liked your friendship with guys and I was always worried because of it,
I admit I always shouted and every discussion turned into an argument as I was that bellicose at end of his wit.
I admit that I always carped, and I always had a mountain of complaints,
But only God knows, that for you I had only love and care which somehow still remains.
There must have been a reason for all this and it must have been God's whim,
Because you came & left voluntarily like you were a temple and I was a pilgrim.
Perhaps it was a mere attraction and I cooked all that story of you being my wife,
Perhaps you never loved me, and I was just a fucking kind of lie in your life.
All your problems were always mine, and there was nothing more important than you ever,
But when there was no one with me, did you hold my hand? No, never.
I am happy that I gave my best, and did everything to make you feel blessed,
Alas! you don't remember anything and you felt lack of love and being oppressed.
You know whenever I get angry,
I throw every gift that you ever gave me.
I still check your facebook's status and DP,
Thinking you might have ever written that "I REALLY REALLY MISS YOU, Sammy"
Just wait and watch, I will get over you very soon and I'll have some other girl in my life,
I will give her every happiness and now she will be my priority and will replace you as my wife.
What did you think, huh? All my life, I would sit and cry over you,
O damn! I am wrong, no girl can ever be able to take your lieu.
Everyone says,"Sam, just let her go, She doesn't deserve you",
Time heals they explain,
But I want to stop time and feel this pain.
Because in my head, we're still united in some weird way and I don't want to fight it,
For one & a half year, I had bottled these feelings inside me, feeling relieved that I finally decided to write it.